im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
