My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
