operation harelip BJ is a go
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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