remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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