Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
