areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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