I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
