I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
