I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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