im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
