i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
