you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
