i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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