You just made me feel so damn special
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
