Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i drank out of a bidet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
