He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
