well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
