we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
