I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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