And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Porn is love you can see.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
