Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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