So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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