i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
