That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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