I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
