He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
