Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
