god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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