Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
