seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
