i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
