do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
