Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
