Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
