genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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