It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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