dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
