This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
