Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
