No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
