I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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