I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
