You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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