You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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