and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
