I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
