Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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