oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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