woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
