they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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