PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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