So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
