Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
