"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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