we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
