she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
