I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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