FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
