omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
