giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
